http://www.felixnation.com/felixblog Stories to entertain my wife. Sun, 01 Feb 2009 23:34:36 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en My family decide to eat at Hooters. It's early enough before the big game that we get a table handily and apparently they have many chicken wings ready at their disposal since they're getting ready for the many Superbowl orders. And before you think that I mean "me and my ... http://www.felixnation.com/felixblog/2009/02/01/can-i-have-one-too/ I get sick two weeks away from the students. As punishment, my body decides to become ill. My wife says that I get sick because I miss my students. I think she's joking because if any student reads this they're probably getting excited about the prospect of a substitute teacher the ... http://www.felixnation.com/felixblog/2008/12/24/sick-days-are-wasted-on-the-sick/ Yesterday afternoon, before we leave work, our Assistant Principal makes the following announcement: All after-school activities are canceled. Please check the website before you call or come in to school tomorrow. I'm excited. Our school system is a safe haven, a place where students can go even when no one else can ... http://www.felixnation.com/felixblog/2008/12/19/i-demand-a-recount/ Nope. And muscles don't secretly work out on their own, either. So when a coworker asks if you've been working out when you've actually been doing the opposite (slacking out), then what can you possibly say in return? Why yes, yes I have (while sucking in the gut). Why, have you? Not really. ... http://www.felixnation.com/felixblog/2008/12/17/you-been-working-out/ Today I am wearing a dark collared shirt with brown corduroy pants. They do not go together. It's not just that they're not from the same species or branch of animal, but it's rather like they're from completely different trees. How do I reach this state? Wind. Wind and trees and ... http://www.felixnation.com/felixblog/2008/12/15/power-outage-ensemble/ That's right. It's that time of year. Every now and then I order something on the Internet that I don't have delivered to my two safe zones--work or parents' house. It's already bad enough that when a box arrives my dad just asks me if it's my "little men" of miniature ... http://www.felixnation.com/felixblog/2008/12/13/the-great-ups-hunt/ The Internet makes you stupid. I believe this is a scientifically proven study. If it isn't, then someone better get on it if they want to contend for the Nobel Peace Prize. The basic formula is offered by Penny Arcade: As an Internet denizen who regularly participates in various "communities," I am ... http://www.felixnation.com/felixblog/2008/12/08/felixbook-20/ I don't know much, but I know cold. Today I try to fix the problem. The idea is to get big plastic clingy sheets to cover your window so that the cold that gets through the glass stops (cold) at the plastic. I think. However it's supposed to work, it does ... http://www.felixnation.com/felixblog/2008/12/01/ghetto-insulation-makes-me-crazy/ To quote the Holy Grail, I'm not dead yet, but I'm not perfectly well. Pain in the back and my voice feels like it's going somewhere that my larynx can't reach. It scratches. However, I don't want to use a sick day. I know, what want doesn't get, need does, but that ... http://www.felixnation.com/felixblog/2008/12/01/wtfever-days/ My co-worker D-- stops me in the hall. I don't know how you function, Felix, she says. I don't know what she means, and then I see her looking at the thing a student confused with a pizza box. You got pizza? he kept asking me. It's my new desktop! I say, ... http://www.felixnation.com/felixblog/2008/10/14/my-new-desktop/