My family decide to eat at Hooters. It’s early enough before the big game that we get a table handily and apparently they have many chicken wings ready at their disposal since they’re getting ready for the many Superbowl orders. And before you think that I mean “me and my brothers” when I say “family,” [...]
I get sick two weeks away from the students. As punishment, my body decides to become ill. My wife says that I get sick because I miss my students. I think she’s joking because if any student reads this they’re probably getting excited about the prospect of a substitute teacher the day they return from [...]
Yesterday afternoon, before we leave work, our Assistant Principal makes the following announcement: All after-school activities are canceled. Please check the website before you call or come in to school tomorrow.
Nope. And muscles don’t secretly work out on their own, either. So when a coworker asks if you’ve been working out when you’ve actually been doing the opposite (slacking out), then what can you possibly say in return?
Today I am wearing a dark collared shirt with brown corduroy pants. They do not go together. It’s not just that they’re not from the same species or branch of animal, but it’s rather like they’re from completely different trees. How do I reach this state? Wind. Wind and trees and power lines.
That’s right. It’s that time of year. Every now and then I order something on the Internet that I don’t have delivered to my two safe zones–work or parents’ house. It’s already bad enough that when a box arrives my dad just asks me if it’s my “little men” of miniature toy soldiers, or that [...]
The Internet makes you stupid. I believe this is a scientifically proven study. If it isn’t, then someone better get on it if they want to contend for the Nobel Peace Prize.
My co-worker D– stops me in the hall. I don’t know how you function, Felix, she says. I don’t know what she means, and then I see her looking at the thing a student confused with a pizza box. You got pizza? he kept asking me. It’s my new desktop! I say, with everything I [...]
It’s 70-80 degrees out. I don’t have to go to work. It’s a beautiful day. Time for a great debate. For great debates, I turn to Facebook. Status update: Felix is debating between painting toy soldiers and doing actual work. The next time I check Facebook, there is already a rebuttal.
My buddy A– turns thirty four, so he invites us out somewhere for drinks on a Friday night. Friday night is playing video games on the computer night, so I decline and suggest instead we just hang out at the game shop like we normally do. –Whatever, he says, you’re worse than my elderly parents. [...]