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Category Archives: Mad Schemes

I demand a recount!

Yesterday afternoon, before we leave work, our Assistant Principal makes the following announcement: All after-school activities are canceled. Please check the website before you call or come in to school tomorrow.

The great UPS hunt

That’s right. It’s that time of year. Every now and then I order something on the Internet that I don’t have delivered to my two safe zones–work or parents’ house. It’s already bad enough that when a box arrives my dad just asks me if it’s my “little men” of miniature toy soldiers, or that [...]

Deadlines.

I have a deadline, and several dead lines. 24 weeks of lesson plans due by Friday, even though I’ve submitted at least 20 of them previously, give or take. Progress report grades due this week. Want a new idea for the next week. Barriers to completion:

The best milk dunking combination

Is a glass that is neither too tall nor too deep, together with a cookie that can be both completely submerged without getting stuck at the bottom. Hence, I must appropriate the proper permissions to conduct the following experiment:

I have to watch a guy film

My wife and I rent movies through Netflix. We set a list of movies up in a queue, and they’re mailed out to the house one at a time as we return movies we watch. I have to set it up to see The Big Lebowski, a guy film that I’ve never seen before. Why? [...]

Blog before you post

So I say to myself, Self, if only you (I) would post to the blogs before posting to the message boards, I (you) would have fousands and fousands of blog posts instead of the [insert number of blog posts] that you (I) have. Self replies, Seriously, what kind of name is ‘Self’?

The deoderant strategy

I am constantly afraid of running out of anti-perspirant. I don’t know if it’s a fear of sweat, showers, or smell, but the fear exists at the top of my mind. So the deoderant/anti-perspirant strategy goes something like this:

Blogipation

Summer for teachers means we get to live.

Three trips in one day

Trip 1: Buy comics in Lakeview

Blogorrhea

As if I don’t have enough to do on my to-do list (which includes creating a to-do list), I’ve decided that the stoppage must end. It’s time to fiber things up and loosen the words like…well, you get the idea. I have a “free” period later today when I might be able to slip in [...]