The house is out to get me
Yesterday I tried to leave the house to pick my wife up at work. Now the smart thing to do would have been to leave early and have time for unexpected delays, and since I’m a smart man I left earlier than late. I was levelling in *insert video game babble here* and when I looked up it was time to go. And if I hurried, I’d even get there on time!
So I threw on my coat and shoes, and pulled on the door to get out.
It stuck.
I thought “Oh, the bolt must be locked.”
Pulled the bolt. Pulled the doorknob.
Probably pulled a tendon.
I took my gloves off and spit on my hands, flexed my muscles in the mirror, ate some spinach, did everything but pull a Moises Alou, and still the door would not open.
“The house is out to get me,” I thought.
I think it heard. As if on cue, the door slipped from its jam, and I fell back a bit, my wrists sore from putting so much force on a single doorknob.
I’ve sanded the side of the door down, for now, but the door isn’t much easier to open (at least it CAN open now). I wonder if this blog post will become something from a Lovecraftian universe where people disappear after reporting strange things in their diaries.
So I’ll amend this post to say that the house is NOT out to get me.
felixnation :: Feb.07.2007 :: Hermit Cave, wife :: 2 Comments »
2 Responses to “The house is out to get me”
has the humidt fluctuated considerably in your neck of the woods? I have expereincd door jam issues like this for two reasons in late winter:
1) The door is simply frozen shut. literally frozen shut.
2) the door is experiencing warping issues because of humidity and temperature fluctuations.
If its #1, I hope you have some food until the spring thaw. if its #2, I dont think sanding will help much. Also check to make sure the hinges are working correctly.
Handyman…out!
The door moves, so it’s probably #2. Sanding helped a little bit, but I suspect we’ll either have to rehang the door eventually, or get a new one (it was bulging where I sanded it…interpret that how you will).